The altar call men were always strategic. They had lots of moves. Many a time I stood, only to then be riddled with doubt, "Wait, was I supposed to stand? Hm, it's only boys standing. Oh, you know...he definitely just asked the boys to stand and commit to being good husbands one day. Yep...pardon me while I have a seat."Also, I'm sure I messed up a few of the salvation counts these speakers went back home with. My bad, guys.
There are some standard moves that I can recall:
The "Speak in confusing sentences so people don't really know what they're coming forward for" move.
He just said come forward if you want to dedicate your life to Jesus. I already did that. Do I need to go again? He sure is yelling a lot, and I can't really keep track of what he's saying anymore. Hold up,'super Christian' is going forward and the cute boy from our brother dorm is too. Ahem, right behind you guys.
The "If you aren't saved come forward. If you hate babies, stay in your seat. If you love Jesus come forward. If you love Satan, stay in your seat." move.
Well, I certainly don't hate babies and I do love Jesus. Hey guys, I'm already saved! I don't hate babies though and Satan's a jerk so I'm just gonna make my way to the front.
The "Write your sins on a piece of paper and nail it to this cross we've placed at the front of the room" move.
It's not that I'm knocking this little exercise, Mr. Speaker man who was "almost in the NFL". It's just that, if I walk up there someone is very likely going to hug me, or cry at me and I'm not really comfortable with that. Plus, me and a hammer in front of all these people? I should save us all that embarrassment. How about I just stay put, and me and Jesus will have a little chat here. In my comfy seat, that's not at the front of the room.
Lest you think all my church related anxiety is gone. Altar call anxiety has since been replaced with communion anxiety. The church I attend does the "come forward in your own time" communion. You're talking to a girl who had communion hand delivered to her for a long, long time. So, me, walking to the front of the room to grab communion all by myself? Anxiety city.
